brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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