i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
