Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
