need another drink. this is the easiest way
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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