She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
