did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I love having hate sex.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
