if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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