honey bunches of taint.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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