Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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