hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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