Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
