It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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