I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
