Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
