just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
