Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
