my sisters under your porch take her home
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize