the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
