Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
