dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My vagina is very pro this idea
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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