is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize