Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
