coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
