hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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