i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
