Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's shark week go big or go home
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
