guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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