She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
His nipple licking is glorious
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