porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
third nipple confirmed
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
