Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just gargled with NyQuil
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
