I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
