i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
