My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
