is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
two words: eviction party
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
