We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
