We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
