my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize