you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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