Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
jump out the window naked night went bad
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
