I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
