don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
