Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
