White coat. Heels.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize