Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I love you. Go after that dick
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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