Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
