Don't make out with my wife yet
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize