Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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