he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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