you will always have a special place in my vag
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
