Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
