Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so let's talk penis.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
