dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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