You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
