I think i peed on brittanys purse
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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