Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
