I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
