Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
