I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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