Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
