I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
