and you said cock pushups were impossible
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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